


Just one rule: No crying in front of him

by blankpaper



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Established Relationship, Heavy Angst, M/M, Not Beta Read, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-03-23 01:25:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13776735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blankpaper/pseuds/blankpaper
Summary: Terminally ill Kei holds a party before ending his life.*Was inspired to write this story when I happened to read the article about Betsy Davis a year ago. Rest in peace





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story has been sitting on my evernote acct for a year. Lmao. This will be a 2 or 3 chapter story, tho its supposed to be a onseshot but I'm freaking lazy so I'm sorry. 
> 
> Also I legit cried while writing this so please cry with me. Lolol

"Say Kei is it all right to cry now?"

 

\----------------------------------

 

Kei has a terminal cancer. He has good days, yes. But during the bad days, the pain was so immense he couldnt do anything but whimper and wait till the pain subsides. Knowing that your days are already numbered and you're living with death hanging over you, staying positive is extremely difficult.

Trying to forget and succeeding even for just a second, simple things will always remind you that you're not fine. The frequent visit to the hospital, the repeated "How are you?" by the people you know, a straightforward question that will always have a deeper meaning than just a plain query about your well-being.

It is difficult to know what to expect, especially when you think about those you will leave behind. Kei doesnt want to leave Kuroo behind, he doesnt want him to experience losing someone again but with the cruel twist of fate here he was bringing sadness to his other half. He knows that Kuroo is being strong for him and doesnt really show how much this hurts him. He remembered seeing Kuroo quietly crying sitting at the corner of their bed where he was sleeping. Knowing that this is breaking Kuroo; makes the blonde feel that he is dying a bit inside.

"Maintaining normality for as long as possible" has been Kei's mantra ever since he was confronted with a terminal diagnosis. He doesn't want others to know he is hurting especially Kuroo. But of course you can't really hide it when you're living with the person you are insistent on hiding it from.

 

\---------------------------

 

One day Kei woke up feeling fine. He suggested the raven haired to visit their parents. To say that Kuroo was alarmed was an understatement, you could see the distress clearly in his face. "I told you not to overexert yourself. I don't want you to feel more exhausted or pained than you already are.", the older man calmly said with tears already forming in his eyes but clearly stopping it from falling.

Kei tapped Kuroo's face with his palm. "Kuroo-san, I'm fine." he said with a weak smile accompanying it.

The older man sat beside the blonde, holding the other's hand that is gently caressing his cheeks. "But what if.." he was not able to continue speaking as the younger man placed his finger at the older man's lips motioning for him to stop.

"I said I'm fine." Kei said moving his fingers and placing it at kuroo's cheeks to pinch it. "Ouuuuch!" Kuroo howled with a grin that is plastered on the man's face. The grin which Kei adored ever since the first time he saw it at their first match back in his first year of highschool. Thinking about those days that felt like it was just yesterday made the younger man chuckle. Maybe it's his sickness that's making him melancholic but these days he tends to reminisce those memories.

 

\--------------------------

 

Just like the blonde wanted they went over to their parents.

The trees are swaying and the place is just as maintained as it was the first time they went there. The weather is cooperating, the sky are full of clouds which means it's a great weather for Tsukki to go outside.

This place is where their parents lies. It was a coincidence that both of their parents are at the same cemetery. Maybe coincidences like this are what brought the two of them more closer kuroo thought.

The two of them stopped by at the front of the grave of Kei's parents.

"Kuroo-san." kei said as he looked directly into his other half's eyes.

"Can you promise me that if I were to die before you and get buried in the ground, like in this cemetery where your and my parents are. You can only miss me for a week." he continued looking somewhere in the distance past now Kuroo's tear streaked face. "But please dont come see me again after that."

"What are you suggesting?" the older man silently uttered.

"I want you to be happy plenty enough to be able to forget me."

"You see I only visit my parents grave when I feel sad and lonely, and when sad things happen and I can't take it anymore," the young blonde smiled bitterly as he continued speaking.

"and yet most of the time when I'm happy, they would just slip my mind."

"Tsukki why are you saying that." Kuroo grabbed Kei's hand suddenly like he was afraid the younger man would suddenly vanish.

"I just thought of it." the blonde mused.

"Would I like to see someone I love be incapable of forgetting me and keep coming back to see me?" The younger man removed his right hand from the older man's grasp and brought it to to the older man's face. Wiping the tears that are falling.

That kind of thing. Just like me back then, sitting all alone before my parent's grave... and I know that if that person were Kuroo-san, he would undoubtedly be crying.. Kei thought to himself.

 

\-----------------------

 

Few weeks later it came to the point that the meds are not working and it didn't do anything. The younger man has been sleeping a lot lately as if he's trying to escape the situation at hand. Kuroo helps him by diverting Kei's attention by singing his favourite songs while holding the blonde's hand. He wants to help his beloved to forget the pain even if it's only just for a few moments.

Kuroo was never a religious person. He was never the type to just sit around and do nothing. He doesnt want to rely on someone who he's not even sure of. But these days he finds himself praying every day. Every day to help them get through this obstacle, even though he doesn't believe in God.

Pain days outnumbered the good days.

Kei has been dependent on his medicines, because without it he feels pain. He hates it but there's no helping it. Without it he's hurting all over.

Kuroo knows that Kei is already tired. Tired from fighting a war that he knows he wont win. It already crossed his mind but hearing it directly from the person is devastating.

Kei patted his bed motioning for kuroo to sit beside him. "It isn't like me to think like this, but I do." he said.

"I wish time could stop." Kei smiled bitterly. "But no such miracle is going to happen. Our time together is almost up."

"Kei no." Kuroo whispered. "Look baby we can still work this out. Please don't give up." the bedheaded man cried. He knew what was coming but he was never ready for it. He will never be ready for it.

Kei kissed Kuroo's forehead. "Kuroo-san I want to hold a party." he said while softly ruffling his lover's hair. "I want to hold a party before dying."

"Let's talk about it later after my nap. I suddenly felt tired." The blonde said.

Kuroo could only nod as he was gasping. He was out of breath, he broke down but never let a sound escape from him as to not let Kei hear him crying.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaack with chapter 2! Sorry for the wait (if someone's waiting. orz )

Another day has started. The blinding beam of the sun, the grass; wet due to the dew drops that are falling from the leaves of the plants.  The birds are singing and chirping as if mocking the black-haired man that it's just a perfectly normal day.

There's no normal day for Kuroo since he found out Kei's sickness. At first, he didn't want to believe it. He was not in any way ready to learn that fact. It was like a meteor coming fast and directly aiming at him and there's no way for him to avoid it.

 

They're both still in bed. The bed-headed man was the first one to wake. He's still lying in the bed gathering his thoughts and then suddenly the bed shifted.

The young blond woke up and immediately stirred to a sitting position and rested his back on the headboard. He got hold of the book that was sitting at the side table beside their bed. He was eager to finish the book that Tetsurou bought him last christmas.

His body was getting better these days and he couldn't ask for more. He doesn't want to be a burden to his lover. "I wonder how many tomorrows are left for us." he silently uttered.

Tetsurou heard it loud and clear but didn't want to acknowledge it, "What was that Tsukki?" he lied. Faking his yawn in such a way that Tsukki will think that he just woke up and didn't hear what he just said. His ears are ringing. He feels like he could collapse at any moment.

"It was nothing.", replied the other and gave him a brief smile.

 

_Maybe accepting was better than denying_. he pushed that thought off his mind. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Kuroo was drowning in his own mind. He kept wandering about his boyfriend's wish that they talked about two days ago. A wish he doesn't want to grant, he was asked to prepare a party for him. "A party for what?" he asked.

He knew what a party was. He can't be dumb if his boyfriend was someone like Tsukishima who's full of sass and comebacks. But the bed-headed man clearly has no idea what the younger man was thinking.

 

_What's the purpose of that party?_   He wanted to ask but is afraid of what the answer might be. So many times, there are a lot of words that bubbled up and gets forcefully swallowed down.  

 

"No idea. I just want to hold a party. Is that bad?" the blonde man answered. "No, I was just surprised. You don't enjoy attention, which is why I was curious." Kuroo nervously chuckled. 

Tsukki looked directly at Kuroo's eyes. "I wanted to hold a party while I'm still strong and can do things by myself." he replied showing the same dazzling smile that the bed headed man fell in love with years ago when they were still in high school.

"But we can do that when you're much better and free from your illness right?" Alas, questions he didn't want to ask ended up being asked anyway. The tears forming are pricking his eyes and the lump on his throat refuses to go down.

The younger man shaked his head, wordlessly saying No. "I decided to undergo.." Suddenly the silent background music playing on their bedroom was all Kuroo could hear. His ears are ringing .

He was staring at Tsukki's mouth, but he can't seem to understand the words uttered. It was like hearing everything but they all seem jumbled in his head. He can't sort out his thoughts. 

 "su.. Tetsu.." He heard Tsukki and gazed at the golden-brown eyes staring at him. "Are you alright?" Was he alright? No. There are several things going through his head right now but all he could do was nod. 

"I was saying I wanted to undergo assisted suicide." The dam Kuroo was keeping immediately broke loose. His tears are falling nonstop but the lump on his throat was still there. He didn't want to cry in front of Kei but he was not ready to hear it directly from his boyfriend. _That he's already giving up_. 

"Kei please let's talk about this." Kuroo said in between sobs. He held both the blond's hands and peppered it with kisses. "Please tell me you're not giving up."

Everyone knew that Kuroo was the type to wear his heart on his sleeves. But you will never see him show his grief to just anyone. Of course, Kuroo doesn't hide anything from him but these past few months the bed headed man suppresses himself in front of Kei. The younger man knows that that's Kuroo showing his love for him, but it pains him that his boyfriend needs to conceal his own feelings for him.

Seeing his lover needing to leave their room every now and then because he would get choked up and he can't take it anymore..The scene in front of him was Kuroo reaching his limit. Tsukishima desperately wanted to comfort Kuroo but he was busy forcing himself not to cry and break down. 

"Tetsu." the blond said. He was trembling but at least his voice didn't betray him. "I have been thinking about this for the past months." 

"I wanted to leave while I still have control over my own body." 

Kuroo gently put down Kei's hands. He raised his right hand as if he was surrendering, "Give me a sec."

"Tetsu." He called once again. The other man was still silent.

The older man stood up suddenly,startling the blonde. 

 

_How could this be. Is this.. is this really happening? Why would he say such things to me?_

 

"Why..." he started.

"Why did you help me escape the hell hole that was my life?!" the black-haired man cried. Anger and sadness was visible in his eyes.

"Why?" he repeated, feeling his tears still falling, running down his cheeks and tasting the salt on his lips.

"Why did you make it so that i can't live without you.." Kuroo stated as he directly looked at Kei's eyes. Being confronted with eyes the younger boy loved so much made him want to take his words back, but all he could do was look down to avoid it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started this story month's ago but didn't know how to continue writing it like my other fics. lmao  
> I already wrote some of the lines for ch3 but I'm having a hard time with writing the scenes part, even so I'm trying to write the last chapter of this story as I'm posting this. Hopefully I can finish chapter 3 before January comes. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! :)


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